Vesta follows Storm with uneven steps, her breath hitching, small broken sounds escaping her no matter how hard she tries to swallow them down.When Storm tells her to sit, she collapses onto the rock, skirts spilling over the stone. She draws her knees to her chest and tries to steady her breathing, but it only comes in sharp, shaking pulls.“I-I’m sorry if I’m bothering you,” she blurts through tears. “I know this is ridiculous. I know I’m not exactly… likable. I know I can be a bitch, and dramatic, and if you think I’m insufferable and pathetic I really don’t blame you. If you never want to speak to me again after this because this is embarrassing, that’s fine, I just-”Her voice cracks.She folds in on herself, burying her face in her hands as a sob tears out of her chest. It’s ugly and unrestrained. She drags her palms down her face, then slaps her own cheeks lightly as if she can shock herself back into composure.“Normally I’d just talk to Tristan,” she says. “But yesterday the Forsetidale Knights showed up and said he had to come back with them. They had their swords drawn and everything-”Her breathing quickens.“And I know it’s because of me. After what happened with Jade, I got drunk and upset and tried to leave Volaire in the middle of the night when it was freezing, and if Tristan hadn’t come after me I would have died. And it’s not the first time I’ve almost…” She trails off. “So I know I scared him, and he stayed by my side. He’s been missing classes. There’s rumors going around, and now all the nobles are furious, and Charlotte’s putting out the fires. He had to go back. He said not to worry, but how am I not supposed to worry when it’s my fault?”The words tumble faster and faster, barely separated by breath.“And I can’t even scry to see what’s happening, because if I look and something’s wrong, I won’t be able to fix it. I’ll just spiral. And I can’t handle that right now because I’m just-”She scrubs at her face again, eyes red and glassy.“I can’t talk to Edgar. I can’t talk to Zinna, or Zuigrii, or E’ni’cala, because I can’t bear looking like a fool in front of them.”Her laugh is brittle, collapsing immediately into another sob.“And I can’t talk to my best friend because I fucked that up too. I yelled at Jade in front of her barony. I knew we were walking into a death trap and I panicked. It turned into a screaming match. She pulled her rank on me, so I left. Kalil told me she could have me killed for it, and I know that.”
Her hands curl into fists in her skirts.“Every time I think about apologizing to her, all I see is death. All I can think about is the time she did actually kill me, and I’m scared to go through that again. She’s my best friend. I love her.” Her voice thins. “And I’m scared of her…”Her shoulders shake harder.“It’s so stupid! She apologized to me. I doubt she would actually hurt me. And I still can’t make things right. I’m just a coward.”She presses her fists to her eyes.“Jade would do nearly anything for me and I can’t do this for her.”Her voice cracks completely.“What is wrong with me? I ruin everything. My clan calls me a curse and maybe they’re right.” She says hollowly. “Everywhere I go, I just fuck things up.”The words spill out without restraint now.“I wasn’t even supposed to live this long. I was supposed to burn out. And now I’m engaged, and I have people I actually care about, and I can’t even be there for them because I’m selfish and stupid and weak.”She chokes on the last word.“I’m drowning in all this guilt.”She drags in a shaky breath.“And now I sound like some self-loathing pity party and you’re probably regretting not just turning me away, and I can’t even leave because I don’t want to be by myself-”Her voice breaks again, sharp and painful.“I’m sorry,” she whispers hoarsely. “I should be pulling myself together instead of just crying about this shit. I’m sorry.”
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